Stage 2 Master Of Wine Results

 

After a summer long wait, I received an email about the exam results.  "Thank you for sitting the MW exam.  I am delighted to report that you have passed the theory element of the exam. This is an outstanding achievement, many congratulations."  This was then followed by the news that I had flamed out in tasting in spectacular fashion.  I had expected to fail the tasting exam after the obvious confusion I had in the red wines, but I'll admit I was taken back that I had done so poorly overall.  Yet, passing theory was unexpected and frankly, a major relief.  It was the ultimate mixed bag email.  Hooray!  Fuck...

Focusing on the positive, getting past theory is a major accomplishment for me.  I spent most of the year totally focused on passing that portion of the exam.  I would go five times a week to various libraries in the area and go to study rooms where I would write mock essays to sample test questions.  I know every weirdo that hangs out on the library computer on Cleveland's west side by quick glance.  I assume they know me as "Backpack Guy In Study Room".  I followed a plan.  I looked for any gaping holes in my knowledge base and tried to fill them in just enough to be able to make five minutes of shit talk about any topic.  I know so much about wine regulations, wine production problem solving, extreme viticulture issues and bulk shipping logistics that I can participate in a brief conversation with anyone in the industry.  If they start getting in the weeds, I'll need to do that move I used to watch people do in corporate meetings where I put my lips together firmly and nod knowingly.  There was a woman I used to work with in media that I was convinced never knew what was being talked about but was so enthusiastic in her engagement that management thought she was a real up-and-comer.  I used that "fake it til you make it" philosophy to keep me afloat until I learned enough to be dangerous.  Now I passed it.  Who knew it was possible?

The other main reason why I passed was I learned to write essays the way the program wants them to be done.  To anyone that has just entered the Master of Wine program that lives in a country out of the English education system, I am going to give you the most valuable piece of advice that no one will tell you straight up.  Write all of your essays like you are pretending to be an English University student.  I cannot stress this enough.  I am considered to be a decent writer and am published in various magazines and even books.  I had to toss out my writing style completely as it was always criticized for being "too journalistic".  While I think you can successfully argue that being "journalistic" can mean that you are clearly conveying information in layman's terms, what they really seem to mean is "I don't care for your tone Sir".

I watched a great number of videos and read a book which was some sort of Brit "college essays for dummies" that turned my theory side around.  All you need to do is follow the formula.  Have five major points that answer the question.  Each paragraph should be structured like this.  Sentence 1:  Here's my point.  Sentence two:  Here's a fact that backs up that point.  Sentence three:  Here's an example that backs that fact up.  Sentence four:  Write something about the other potential side of the argument but don't undermine your point.  Sentence five:  Repeat the initial point but in different language.  That's it.  Just do that and write a nice little wrap up of what you said at the end.  It's not very interesting to read, but that's what they're looking for on this thing.  I could have saved myself a full year if I would have understood that structure.

The normal human beings that I interact with have no idea how challenging it was to pass theory.  An overwhelming majority of people in the room with me have degrees in winemaking and work at it full time.  Therefore when they get hit with questions about "How do you prevent oxidation in red wine?" it's like someone asking me "How do you set up a radio ad campaign?".  It's second nature.  That gives a huge advantage to people in 3 of the 5 topic areas of theory (viticulture/winemaking/handling of wine).  Granted, I have a big leg up on the business of wine, but I found it challenging to write marketing answers with what works in textbooks instead of what works in the real world.  Stick with the conceptual.  As far as the people grading this exam are concerned, influencers move massive cases and messaging scale is an unnecessary detail.  You get lit up if you say "See if you can pay off the key account with some umbrellas for their patio or maybe take the buyer on a "fact finding trip" to Napa".  Put them up in a good hotel and let 'em know you need a big order for Q4 so they can go on next year's trip.  Wink wink.  Shove the dolcetto they don't want to buy down their throat if they want to get that limited edition Barolo.  Maybe print up misleading sale price point shelf talkers for grocery stores to get that dog red blend out of the warehouse."  Don't say that no matter how true it is.  Shhh.  Stick to what you would say if you were a 19 year old marketing undergrad doing a group project.  Pretend that influencer campaigns and buying a sponsorship tent at a charity event move cases.  That makes everyone happy.

I have a lot of people say a variation of "Are you still doing that wine thing?" so I posted my result on social media.  It's really nice to see how supportive my various friends are on this quest even if they don't understand it.  I had to laugh at a couple of people that commented that it was good that I saw the positive in passing that one part even though I was kind of a failure for doing badly on tasting.  I don't know when the last time they did something that had a 4% pass rate, but there is no shame in getting past this thing piece by piece.  This program has been like the D-Day invasion and I've seen a lot of good soldiers die on the beach.  At each ascending level I look around to take a quick headcount to see who's still alive.  To be honest, I think there are a number of people astounded to see me there with them at this point.  I know I would be if I were them. 

It will be an interesting academic year to just focus on tasting.  It seems at times like I keep getting worse.  At best, I feel erratic.  I can light it up on a tasting mock exam and then blow the next one completely.  I need to get better at identifying classic wines and the key winemaking components.  I have a few ideas for drills and study sessions to help with that.  I think the biggest thing will be to work on my style of answers.  Like my essays a year ago, I'm writing in a way that these graders HATE.  I need to have my "a-ha!" moment in constructing these answers.  The challenge has been the moving goal posts of mutually agreed but non-communicated acceptable language.  For example, I don't think you can say "Old World/New World" any longer.  However, "Mineral" and "Salty" have come back into vogue.  I'm not sure where we stand with "funky" at the moment, so I'm not sure how to describe a funky ass natty Bojo.  It's hilarious how much time gets spent debating if you can say something is "ripe" or is it "fruity"?  I don't know but I'll have to spend time on that to crack that code.

Ultimately I feel like passing theory has injected me with some energy.  I don't know how much longer I could have gone seeing Creepy Autistic Computer Guy at the Avon Lake library study area.  Don't even get me started on the degenerates at the Lakewood Library.  To be able to focus on this one task, the fun one, is what I needed.  I can stop splitting time and just zero in on where I'm weakest. Unfortunately, this area appears to be "wine tasting".  Oh well.  I got past the other shit.  I'll get past this too.  I continue on.