The MW Academic Year Begins... Again

 

The MW school year has begun which means I'm back at it.  When you think "school year", you might be thinking classrooms filled with eager students like Hogwarts but with a shitload of wine.  This thing is a "self study", so what that means is my school year is spent in various public libraries forcing myself to write 1500 word essays on topics like volatile acidity and plant diseases.  There is this dude at the Avon Lake library who I see every time I go.  When I go over there I reserve a meeting room, and as I walk over to it I see this guy sitting at the same public computer station regardless of what time I'm there.  He's been a fixture since I started going there 10 months ago.  No matter what day or what time, he's sitting at Computer #2 looking like he's under some sort of strain.

At first I thought he was some guy out of work doing soul crushing job applications and Linked In posts.  He's around 45 years old and dresses casually, but not necessarily professionally if you know what I mean.  As I kept observing him, I wondered if he was one of the inevitable "local crazy guys" that hang out at libraries.  He doesn't make a nuisance of himself so maybe he isn't.  BUT then I considered that why would someone that worked professionally not have a home computer to do that shit in a coffee shop or his own house, so I landed back on "crazy guy".  Now I am thinking that maybe he uses that computer to type his Manifesto, and toggles back to his research he has open on chemtrails, George Soros, human trafficking, and genetic mutations.  I mean, the guy is ALWAYS there and he seems like he's mildly struggling.  Maybe his "handlers" (i.e. parents) drop him off at the library every morning as some kind of free adult daycare.  I've never seen him get into a car or leave for lunch.  That's when it hit me, well if I'm seeing HIM, he's seeing ME, so maybe he's speculating that I'm the fucking local crazy library guy.  As you can see, I've got quite a situation on my hands.

That's my classroom for the new MW year.  It's me finally grasping some key concepts involving molecular SO2, phenols, microbial activity, brettanomyces, phytoplasmic vine diseases, pruning theory, trellis impacts, and subsoils.  Back when I thought I was getting really deeply into it when I was trying to pass WSET Diploma I had no idea what a cakewalk that was in comparison.  At this point last year I was dreading the exam.  I was living in a variation of that dream where you show up at a classroom and they are handing out a test that you didn't even know you were signed up for much less prepared to take.  Now I have a sense of misplaced confidence, which based on what I have heard from previous people that have passed this fucking thing is a good thing.  For the next few months though, it's me and that guy with the manifesto spending LOTS of time together.  

The sheer amount of practically useless knowledge I have now is absurd considering I'm not really doing anything with it.  I really need to get a job of substance in the wine industry as I am more qualified than almost anyone else these hiring managers are sifting through.  As a rule of thumb though, most of the jobs that I would crush go to girls named Kaylee that are 34 year old super cute blondes that hiring managers think know about marketing because they heard that young women know about The Snapchat.  Plus, Kaylee is a little easier on the eyes than I am (wink wink, nudge nudge).  While Kaylee scrolls on TikTok and stays attuned to what's on Hulu, I'm diving into filtration protocols for Hungarian sweet wines.  This is what's happening.

The problem with spending almost all your time in a solitary pursuit is that your brain becomes totally focused on that subject.  Thus, any conversation that I get engaged in will somehow get back into wine.  That has to totally suck for other people I come into contact with in The Real World.  It does become handy at times though.  For example, I was walking around on this complete shit show of a tour that Champagne Pommery offered.  It was the English speaking tour, so my buddy Joe and I were in this group of minimally engaged Brits and some snobby Germans.  The poor tour guide kept goading people as she explained the champagne making process, "Don't you have any questions?  C'mon...  Someone must have a question."  

Most people on those tours are thinking "enough with the blah blah blah and pour me the wine".  I can say with total certainty that Nigel to my left couldn't give one fuck about the riddling process and just wanted to tie one on.  As we stood in front of a display with lees at various stages in the bottle neck, the guide chirped at us again.  "Don't you have any questions?  C'mon...  Someone must have a question."  Joe leaned over to me, knowing I could ask something that there was no way in hell she had the answer to off the top of her head.  "Ask her a question.  C'mon.  She wants a question."

Excuse me?  Ma'am?  Can you tell me the house philosophy on oxidative vs reductive handling in pressing, and how that impacts the wine quality pre tirage?

Ummmmmmm... I'll have to get back to you with that when we get back upstairs.  (She didn't.). All the Brits and even the Germans stared at me with a "What the fuck is with this joker?" look with a serious suggestion of "Shut the fuck up asshole".  At that point I figured we wouldn't get another forced "Doesn't anyone have any questions?" stop again, so I thought they should have thanked me, but I don't think they understood my motivation at the time.  We trudged on and somehow merged with another group that had a bunch of 5-7 year olds that were like feral kids.  I don't know who thinks that bringing a five year old to a Champagne production tour is a good idea, but these kids gave zero shits about decorum and were making their own fun.  When they are your kids, I'm sure it's cute.  Since they weren't, I'd categorize them as "annoying little fuckers".   We stood next to this enormous area where bottles were aging.  "C'mon, doesn't anyone have any questions?".  Dammit.

"Can you explain how oxygen ingress and SO₂ management after disgorgement influence aroma stability and flavor evolution in your wines by style?" 

She stared at me blankly like that look deer give you when you stumble into them at the park.  There was an uncomfortable silence.  And that wrapped that portion of the tour up.  I got another promise of follow up information upstairs (yeah, I didn't get that) and we ditched the families with the kids and went to the wine bar.  Not one of those friggen Brits thanked me.  If they would have engaged with me, I could have let them know that THIS was the result of all that time I have spent in that library with the manifesto guy.  By the way, those Pommery wines I got to try are fairly underwhelming, but to be fair I was sort of cranky when I tried them.  I did have some good quality stuff at Lanson right down the road, especially the 2013 Vintage and the "Noble" bottles.  The kid there doing the tour knew what was up too, and provided good nerd answers to a couple questions I had for him when I discreetly pulled him aside.  Regarding Champagne visits, I prefer stumbling into emerging Grower Champagnes, but there's a lot of battery acid crap you need to wade through before you find the good ones.  For the most part, those big house luxury bottles are always good.  That pains me to admit too.

It's a rainy morning today.  I'm in deep on an essay on high yield to low yield/high quality vineyard conversions.  I fully expect to see manifesto guy in about an hour.  I might even give him a head nod as I pass by.  We all have our projects going brother.