The P3 Mock Exam

 

As I approach the Napa Valley Wine Academy, I see Yoann scurrying across the street to his car.  I can tell he’s going to get Reggie.  Reggie is a used ventriloquist doll I found on a table at the Petaluma Antique Fair a couple days ago.  He’s creepy as fuck and as his personality has evolved it turns out he has a filthy mouth and is extremely confrontational.  It has become a game to put Reggie in places where you’d least expect him as his vacant smiling stare greets you from your bed or the bathroom in the middle of the night.  “See you in hell Yoann” is something Reggie is fond of saying. He’s an angry little doll.  Yoann was hoping to put Reggie in my desk seat prior to my arrival, which I would have found great but I suspect the instructor and other students would use as further credible evidence that we are a couple of jackoffs.  Caught in the act, Reggie stays, seatbelt buckled, in Yoann’s car.

Today is the P3 exam.  It’s the paper that people either love or hate.  These are wines NO ONE drinks.  It's Geek City baby!  Wines include sweet late harvest styles, botrytis wines, sparkling, rose, and fortifieds.  If it weren’t for wine geeks using these for tests, I can’t imagine who else is buying late harvest Alsace gewürztraminer or Canadian vidal ice wine.  With these it’s all about knowing how they are made.  The questions usually go “Identify origin and grapes.  Discuss key winemaking methods.”  You are required to know how all these obscure wines are made, how much sugar is in the wine and the alcohol level or you’re dead.  The other pitfall is misidentifying the wine.  If you call a madeira an amontillado sherry, a reasonable mistake in the moment, you have NO CHANCE of passing the exam because you will get all of the winemaking points wrong due to their differing techniques.  It’s a bear, but due to the limited amount of styles, you can prepare for it.

The wines are arranged in four flights today.  I’ve got a trio of white wines, three rose sparkling wines, two deep colored reds, and a mixed bag of red and amber colored wines.  The big ones will destroy the palate so I head right into the sparkling.  I nose all three and the one in the middle is easily the most fruity with strawberry/raspberry aromas.  The one on the left has a bready aroma and smells like wet stone.  The one on the right is the palest with active bubbles.  That’s got to be a rose prosecco.  I smell it, it’s floral and away I go writing an answer for a 11% ABV dry fizzy rose prosecco.  The question says “Three wines, different countries, none are from Champagne”.  I taste the fruity one and it could be from anywhere.  I’m not sure if it’s tank or traditional because there isn’t much autolytic character if any.  The fruit is ripe and soft with watermelon/strawberry flavors.  This could be USA/Australia/Argentina.  It feels hot climate to me.  I’m thinking it’s like a Barefoot sparkling rose, something about $12.  Short finish.  Not very complex.  Moderate acid.  I’ll get back to this.  The one on the left has the highest acid of the three. It finishes savory.  It’s not very good like a Champagne but it’s got some of the same character.  I think it’s a Cremant de Bourgogne as it reminds me of the Albert Bichot one I drink all the time.  $25 or so seems right on this.  France and Italy are out now, so that fruity one that's left I’m going to call California entry level tank method but hedge a bit and say if it’s traditional it’s very short time on lees, like 9 months.  

(Correct answers turn out to be Bolney Cuvee Rose, 2019 Sussex ENG$35 which is a good lateral for my crémant answer, Liopart Rose Corpinnat Cava 2020 with 60% Monstrell/20% grenache/20% pinot which is a reasonable lateral for my Cali answer because the wine sorta sucks, and Ruggeri Argeo Prosecco Rose which is dead on.)  

I move onto the whites.  “Identify origin and discuss winemaking with attention to the role of yeast”.  The first one smells like flor and citrus.  I’m excited because this has to be a Savagnin Voile from Jura which means the next one is a Fino.  Second one smells like sherry, or a loaf of bread.  There's nothing else like this.  It’s got to be Fino because the color is a bit darker than I’d expect a manzanilla sherry to be.  I’m off and writing.  The third wine is weird.  It’s a pale gold and feels off dry and tangy.  There’s a lot of phenolic action here.  I have no idea what this is.  I’m going to loop back on this later.  Maybe it will talk to me when I come back.  I tackle some of the other wines and taste it again.  How could I have been so stupid.  This is orange wine.  Who the hell knows from where or what grape, but I know it was wild yeast/low intervention/amphora.  I write up all the evidence I have in the glass.  

(Correct answers are Fruitiere Vinicole d”Arbois Savagnin Jura FR, Barbadillo Solear Manzanilla, and Mahara Albur Cadiz White, an orange wine from Jerez made in amphora.  Nailed these.)

I move to the pair of what I assume are ports.  First one is a big monster with fresh black fruit and big tannins.  This is a vintage port.  I am going to need to come up with a vintage here.  It’s young.  There isn’t much secondary development, but these bastards can take a long time to evolve.  I’m thinking it’s about 10-15 years old.  I’m going 2016 on this though I'm suspecting it might be older.  The second one is a classic tawny style, oxidative dried red fruit and fresh cherry/berry flavors.  There’s nothing else these can be but port.  20% ABV and two unique styles.  The tawny still has a lot of fruit.  That alcohol is hot coming in at the end.  This is a 10 year if it’s from a house with the style of driving fruit, or it could be a reserve tawny for someone that is more savory with their tawnies.  I don’t like where the alcohol is sitting.  It is really hot on the end so I’m calling this a reserve tawny.  It would probably be safe to call this a ten, but I'm going to do some grandstanding on my answer and argue quality.

(Correct answers are Warre’s Quinta da Cavadinha Vintage Port 2010 and Dow’s 10 year Old Tawny.  I got the styles well and argued my vintage and assessment reasonably.  I would have scored a lot of points on this one.)

The last four wines are a bit of a mixed bag.  It’s the classic “identify origin, grape and discuss winemaking and quality” question.  The first one is black fruity and soft.  After the ports it seems like a normal wine.  I’m not sure what this is yet.  It’s all jammy fruit from a hot region.  I’ll circle back.  The next one is amber colored and smells like a nail salon.  There is so much VA here this has to be from Italy.  I don’t have a big raisin character so I’m out on recioto and I’m all in on Vin Santo from Tuscany.  The third wine is deep chestnut color and sweet as shit.  It's like syrup.  This has to be about 325g/L of sugar.  It’s clean and rich.  Rutherglen muscat all day on this.  It's very concentrated with about 18% ABV so I’m thinking it’s Rare level, maybe Antique.  It reminds me of a Yalumba Antique Muscat I had a couple weeks back.  The last wine is copper colored and cannot possibly have more acid.  It rips your face off.  This has to be Sercial Medeira.  I loop back on the first one again.  I know what this is.  This is a VDN.  I’m thinking Maury.  Alcohol is about 15.5% I think.  Maybe 90g/L of sugar?  I feel really confident as I write the answers.

(Correct answers are Mas Amiel Maury FR, Selvapiana Vin Santo Tuscany IT, Morris of Rutherglen Muscat Classic and Henriques & Henriques Sercial 15 years old.  I was too low on the Vin Santo sugar which was 260g/L, missed the 16.5% ABV on Maury, and called the Classic an Antique as it had 300 g/L and 18% ABV, but this was a good flight for me again.)

At the Big Reveal I feel a wave of relief wash over me.  I needed to have a good day on the course and I did.  The wines get discussed and I'm barely listening as grid oriented students try to figure out from the instructor predictable absolutes in this ultimately subjective test.  If you weren't in this program you'd want to shoot yourself in the head listening to the group debate things like allowable aging periods in oak for obscure Italian dessert wines, synonyms for "medium", and trying to justify how your wrong answer was correct if you look at it in the right light.  Everyone is so far into their own head and their own solar system it becomes easy to lose track of the fact that this whole thing is entirely frivolous.  I'm ready to get out of this room after four days.  I wrap up the week with a pretty good P1, horrible P2 and a really good P3.  I have some things I need to address on how I’m picking up a couple winemaking factors, but I’m in this thing.  I can pass tasting.  I'm not saying that I will, but I can.  Now as opposed to fearing the exam in a “showing up to classroom for a test in a class you didn’t know you were enrolled in” fever dream, I am in a mindset of “let’s have some fun and take this test”.  

One month to go.