MW Test Results Day

 

The results of this June's exam came out today.  I don't know what kind of sick joke the Institute was playing by making a Friday the 13th the date to send out results, but that's how it fell.  As we have discussed on this blog, I "deferred" on taking the exam, or "pussied out" as some of my associates would say.  I had forgotten about the results being released this morning.  Texts began to arrive to my phone rather quickly.  For some, it was great news.  For others... not so great.

The exam itself is a cruel beast.  You pour your entire life into creating acceptable results across four days on an immense subject where the grading seems murky at best.  You then wait for three months for an email to see if your last year of intense effort has paid off with a pass, or if you need to bargain with yourself and search for platitudes like "the journey is the best part" or some other fortune cookie/millennial influencer horseshit.  Look, the journey should be at least partially enjoyable, but the goal is to WIN.  This is a game and you play to fucking WIN.  I know a shit ton more today than I did 6 months ago, but I'm not writing mock essays about SO2 use in winemaking as part of some "journey".  I am trying to learn what I need to learn so I can pass The Test Which Cannot Be Passed.

One of "my people" passed theory and came within striking distance of passing tasting.  It was his first attempt at the exam, and having passed theory can now concentrate on only the tasting exam.  He feels jacked up with an "I am going to pass this fucking thing" energy that you can see crackling through him.  Ultimately that tasting exam is about seeing ball, hitting ball while also knowing how wines no one buys, drinks, or really wants are made.  If that last comment offended you, I apologize profusely to the 17 vin santo drinkers and 9 marsala enthusiasts on the planet.  Even I'm now at a point where if you pour me a chardonnay, sauvignon blanc, cabernet, pinot noir, nebbiolo, or syrah I am probably going to get it.  If you pour me a 2011 Schloss Reinhartshausen Erbacher Marcobrunn Riesling Trockenbeerenauslese or a Domaine Rene Renou Bonnezeaux Cuvee Zenith, it's going to take some luck as I just don't have the frequency in popping open $150 half bottles of sweet wine or fortified beasts with my buddies all that often.  Perhaps I will take something like that to the next Browns tailgate I go to so I can say things like "You fucking suck Watson!" as well as "This Bodegas Fundador, Harveys VORS Palo Cortado Medium Blend NV is delightful.".  

For the people that got bad news today, let's not sugarcoat it.  It sucks.  You tried and you failed.  Sure, almost everyone else in that room failed too, but all you're going to see on social media are the success stories.  Nobody pops onto their account to say, "Totally flamed out on that exam I had studied for so long.  Feel like a total loser.  Planning on skulking around like a whipped dog for the next few days."  Still, at the risk of sounding like those influencers I hate with every cell in my body, you're closer now than you were before you took that test.  You know where you came up short, and now you'll have a chance to plug those holes.  

One of my people texted me with perhaps the worst scenario possible.  They had passed 4 of the 5 theory papers on their last attempt.  The mission this time was that they had one chance to pass the previously failed paper to get past the theory finish line.  If they didn't get a B on that section, they would return all the way back to the start, like some kind of sick game of Chutes and Ladders.  Needing a B, they received the email today and opened it.  C+.  Missed it by one point.  Thanks.  See you back at Square One.  

Look, I don't know if I could pick myself off that canvas for another round after that.  It's like missing a wide open jumpshot to win Game 7 of the NBA Finals.  That's pretty hard to take.  However, if you take a second and let the immense river of grief cascade over you, you can reassess.  I look at it like this...  You passed 4 of the 5 theory section the first time you tried.  There's no reason you can't do it again.  Is it a pain in the ass?  Yes.  But can you do it?  Again, yes.  As a student you know more now than you did when you first took that exam two years back.  You'll pass that again.  Will you pass tasting?  Well, that's another thing entirely.  How well do you know the winemaking protocols on a a Barbeito 5 Year Old Rainwater Reserva Madeira?  It would be a shame to let a bullshit little wine like that derail your dreams, but this is the business we are in friends.

Tomorrow is a new day.  We shall return to fight again another day.  Don't count your chickens before they're hatched.  It's always darkest before the dawn.  Red skies at night, sailor's delight.  A watched pot never boils.  I could go on with more irrelevant cliches, but let's put a stop to that.  To all those that received results today, good or bad, I salute you.  Just to have a chance to sit that exam and perform moderately well is an accomplishment.  Now it's time to once again read about soil in Portugal and oxygen transfer rates of composite corks.

The quest for the grail marches on.