The Nose Dilemma

 

When I finally got covid in whatever fucking year that was, my sense of smell got all whacked out.  I've never had a great nose.  I have a messed up right sinus that I have had checked out by ENT doctors who gave me the diagnosis of "it's a slightly deviated septum... we could operate if you want?".  The feeling I get from the ENT doctors is "we can't really do anything, but maybe an operation could help... or not.  Whattya say?  I've got budgets to hit.".  I said "no thanks".  I instead use this daily cream that allows me to lightly tread between "slightly fucked up right sinus" to "really fucked up right sinus".  It's not ideal.  I can't smell things like you can.

I probably never would have noticed that I couldn't smell anything if I wasn't doing this wine stuff.  Normal people don't sit around looking for aromatic nuance in their Taco Bell Cantina Chicken Crispy Taco meal, though perhaps they should in an effort to make, shall we say, "better choices".  But because I am routinely sitting around in group settings where people all nod their heads while saying "this wine is very aromatic" and I can sort of smell a slight lemon scent, I know something is off.  The upside is my basset hounds can stink and it doesn't bother me.  The downside is that when I am trying to deduce a blind wine for this exam, I have almost no clues from aroma.  This is a decided disadvantage.

There was a guy I heard about that post-covid smelled rotten meat anytime something had a strawberry odor.  This would definitely make a slice of strawberry pie much less appealing as I can't recall Ben & Jerry's pioneeering a "Spoiled Salami" ice cream flavor.  I don't know if he ever got his smell back.  That's the way those stories go.  You never hear the part about "yeah it slowly returned over two months and he's fine now.  In fact, that's him over there popping strawberries in his mouth.".   There is always this lingering sense of doom like the storyteller has taken delight in placing this kernel of anxiety in your head forever.  I suppose I take comfort in that I don't smell rotten meat, but it would be nice to have a working sense of smell.

This situation has forced me to focus on what I can focus on, structure.  This might be a blessing in disguise for my chances of success, as structure is much more reliable than aromatic compounds.  For example, if you look at annoying journalistic notes for wines, something like riesling from Pfalz Germany can have six wines that have six wildly different aromatic notes.  I am a particular fan of those folks taking Master Somm exams where they riff on aromas to suggest expertise when we all know they are thinking "this sort of smells like lemons and flowers" and then spout off "Myer lemon zest, ginger, citrus blossom, white raspberry, underripe peach skin, and honeysuckle" in an effort to sound masterful.  I mean, that's not helpful at all.  I was looking at a tasting note for a riesling on a retail website that said "Very strong and fruity nose of lemons, melons, yeast, sea salt, tropical fruits, kiwis, mangoes, saltwater, white pepper and dirt".  Between you and me, that's complete bullshit.  There is no way a white wine smells like lemon AND dirt AND seawater AND kiwi.  These things don't go together.  I almost bought that wine so I could point fingers and yell out "LIAR!" but I can't smell anything so that idea fizzled out.

Structure is consistent.  A winemaker can do whatever they reasonably want to do, and riesling from Pfalz is going to come out as relatively light bodied, have very high acid, and bright yellow fruit character.  I recognized that if I tried to follow an aromatic rabbit hole, especially with my weak sense of smell, I could get lost very quickly.  That bullshit Pfalz riesling note someone posted of "very strong and fruity nose of lemons, melons, yeast, sea salt, tropical fruits, kiwis, mangoes, saltwater, white pepper and dirt" could be riesling... but it sounds more like it could be albarino, muscadet sur lie, gruner veltliner, viura, falanghina, cool climate chardonnay, warm climate sauvignon blanc, picpoul, or even a white Rhone blend.  How does that help?  Meanwhile if I tell you you've got a light bodied white wine, high acid that drives the palate, moderate alcohol with no oak/malo and slight lees influence, you don't even have to have the wine in front of you to know it's probably riesling.  The high level of aromas only confirms the structural argument of riesling, and is not necessary to reach the conclusion.  

Aromatic compounds are very fragile.  I was working with some samples with my friend Lauren.  She had a rose that had this crazy scent of 2X4s despite not having been anywhere near wood, and an overwhelming underripe watermelon rind odor.  I think the professional assessment of this wine in tank was that it smelled "fucked up".  For example, if I poured this wine for you and asked what you thought, you'd say "this is kinda fucked up".  The interesting thing was we did a trial blend with just 2% pinot gris added and the 2X4 scent vanished, plus the green watermelon rind became fresh cut watermelon.  Now if I poured it for you, you'd say "this is pretty refreshing".  Had I paid attention in chemistry class instead of drawing cartoons and sneaking peeks at the girls from The Hot Girl Lunch Table, I could tell you why these chemical compounds are so fragile and change so easily.  I didn't though, so I'm not really sure.  It's a little late to master chemistry, so I'm just going to move ahead with my limited skill set there.  The bottom line is aroma can often be a siren song luring you onto the rocks.

While a normal human being can confuse a riesling with a Chablis and nobody gives a shit, this would bring a level of shame to anyone in this MW wine program I can't even begin to explain.  I know someone that actually became an MW that still feels overwhelming shame on confusing a riesling in a classroom setting.  She recounted the story to me in a similar shellshocked tone of voice that is used by people that publicly wet their pants in 3rd grade.  I felt like I should have grasped her hand and done the Good Will Hunting speech from Robin Williams.  "It's not your fault.  It's not your fault."  I didn't really want the inevitable conclusion of her embracing me sobbing and saying "I know! I know!", so I held back.  In retrospect, that was the correct course of action as passersby would have assumed I'd done something awful to her and then that thought would have lingered in my head forever.   

The thing that's a real drag is that I'd like to have a working nose just to see what it's like.  Seriously, what's it like for you to smell stuff?  Is it cool?  Would this exam be easier to pass if I had a reliably working nose?  Or do I actually have an advantage in that I don't get led astray because of strong scent memory?  Is being forced to focus on structure a blessing in disguise?  I don't know.  I will tell you this.  Marvin my basset just barfed on the carpet after eating God knows what in the backyard and I'm VERY thankful my nose wasn't picking up on the subtle aromatics from that.

I soldier on.